Expected or not?

We wonder what makes the best present.

It is the time of year for presents, and our tutor has received several from his students.  He does not encourage them, figuring it’s not really a part of the teacher-student relationship, but does appreciate them when they arrive.  They show a certain thoughtfulness, even if it’s a thought that comes from the parent.  And of course it’s the thought that counts, a cliché that is nonetheless true: the value of the present lies in the giving.

He does find it interesting, though, to consider what the students choose to give, and how it varies over time and between people.  Chocolate has been favored this year, which means he now has many months’ supply (his sweet tooth fell out long ago).  A dancing snowman, singing a part of “Let it Snow,” showed a certain sense of humor (and was slightly disruptive of tutoring sessions until he took it home in January).  Gift cards are perennial, and for good reason: at work he concentrates on the lesson to be learned, so students rarely find out enough about him to make reasoned judgements about what he’d like, or what he needs.  Even his sister resorted to one this year.

So there was no prospect of his receiving something long desired but, for whatever reason, out of reach; that object heading the Wish List, or about which one would drop hints for weeks in advance.  No chance of the Perfect Present, in other words.

But is that really the Perfect Present?  By adulthood there is at least a good chance that anything reasonable, say a camera for a photographer or a new smartphone for almost anyone, is already within reach.  Barring the benevolence of the rich uncle, who can supply new cars or houses, most things that could appear as gifts are allowed to be so mostly for the sake of giving (which is the important part; see above).

We’ve been considering another line of thought.  What about the present that we would never get for ourselves?  Leaving aside those that we consider not worth the expense or decline to buy for similar reasons, there are those presents we would never have thought of.  At one level there is the book we’ve never heard about, or the music, that we find unexpectedly enchanting.  No doubt many parents give telescopes or microscopes, hoping to awaken an interest in science in their children.  It’s hard to give many examples, just because the fit is unexpected.  But we think these have a better claim to the title of Perfect Present, because the giver is much more involved.  There is imagination and judgement employed; the giver is more than a conveyance.

It’s also riskier than picking out the top of the Wish List.  There’s no guarantee it will catch the receiver’s imagination, or even that it will be liked at all.  But it requires more thought, and it’s the thought that counts.